NOT ALL COWS SAY MOO

With pencil and paper in front of him, Alexander dialed the phone.

“Hello?” said Mr. Findlay.

“Hi, Mr. Findlay. It’s Alex,” replied Alexander. “I’m having some trouble, and Dad’s busy. He said that you might be able to help because you have a farm and know a lot about animals.”

“Sure,” said Mr. Findlay. “What’s the problem?”

“I have to write an essay about cows, but can’t think of anything interesting. Cows are so boring!”

            “Personally, I find most cows fascinating!” said Mr. Findlay.

            “Fascinating?” Alexander said. “You’re joking!”

“I never joke about cows,” answered Mr. Findlay. “So, what kind of cows do you have to write about?”

            “My teacher wants a two-page essay on cows by tomorrow morning. I guess he’s talking about the normal kind of cow, you know, the kind that says moo,” said Alexander.

            “Hmmm,” Mr. Findlay replied. “You know, Alex, not all cows say moo.”

            “What?” Alexander exclaimed. “Of course all cows say moo. You’re teasing!”

            Mr. Findlay asked, “Alex, where do cows live?”

            “That’s easy,” said Alexander. “They live on farms. Sometimes they’re in a barn or a field.”

            “I know of cows that live in the ocean, “said Mr. Findlay.

            Alexander laughed out loud as he pictured farm cows swimming in the ocean with sharks and jellyfish. “You said you don’t joke about cows!”

            “I don’t,” replied Mr. Findlay. “Ever heard of manatees or seals?  And what about dolphins and whales? They can be cows, too, you know.”

            “Is that true?” asked Alexander doubtfully.

            “Of course!” came Mr. Findlay’s response. “The females are cows if they’ve had offspring, or calves. And the adult males are bulls.”

            Alexander was silent.

            “And, Alex, what do cows eat?” asked Mr. Findlay.

            “I know this one! They eat grass and grain and other plants,” Alexander said, and then he added, “I guess the ocean cows would eat plants, too…just different ones.”

            “You’re partly right,” replied Mr. Findlay. “Some cows are plant-eaters. Some are meat-eaters. Dolphins and seals eat fish and other small animals, but I know of two kinds of meat-eating cows that also lay eggs!”

            Alexander’s eyes widened. He knew that the ocean cows and the farm cows were mammals. He tried to imagine cows laying eggs in nests and couldn’t.

            “I’m sure you’ve heard of crocodiles and alligators, Alex?” said Mr. Findlay. “You probably shouldn’t try to milk those cows, though!”

            Alexander burst into laughter as he imagined a farmer trying to milk a crocodile.

            “Yep, cows sure are interesting creatures,” said Mr. Findlay, chuckling.

            Alexander wondered what strange cow fact Mr. Findlay would come up with next.

            “Have you ever seen cows at work?” Mr. Findlay asked.

            Alexander stared at the phone receiver. He pictured cows wearing business suits and rushing off to work in cars, with briefcases in their hooves.

            “It’s true!” said Mr. Findlay. “In some places, cows pull heavy objects, like fallen logs, or carry people on their backs for long distances.”

            “What kind of cows are those?” asked Alexander as he imagined cowboys saddled up on farm cows.

            “Why, elephants and camels!” replied Mr. Findlay.

            “Mr. Findlay, all those kinds of cows are cool, but also weird,” said Alexander. “I think my teacher was talking about grass-eating, milk-making, stand-in-the-field-all-day cows.”

            “Alex, did your teacher say ‘cows’ or ‘cattle’?” asked Mr. Findlay.

            “I think just ‘cows,’ but what’s the difference?” said Alexander.

            “Well, cattle are the animals that you usually see in fields and barns on a farm,” said Mr. Findlay. “Female cattle can be cows, but not all cows are necessarily cattle. Do you understand the difference now?”

            Alexander replied, “Um…yeah, I think so.”

            Mr. Findlay quickly added, “But remember that you shouldn’t call every mother animal a cow, because some aren’t cows at all. A mother zebra is a mare, a chicken with chicks would be a hen, and a momma porcupine is a sow.”

            “You know,” replied Alexander, “maybe my essay won’t be boring after all. Mr. Findlay, cows really are interesting creatures!”

            “Yep, they sure are,” Mr. Findlay answered. “They sure are.”